Reading Time: 8 Minutes
It’s been a while since I have taken time to just sit down and reflect and I seem to find it harder and harder to separate from the things that keep me busy. After my Dad passed away, routine and busyness was what kept me grounded and still does in a way, but I know when I need to take a break, I usually fight it though.
The last time I simply sat and wrote would have been after my Dad died in 2024 and I promise this isn’t going to be all about him or doomy gloomy but it’s worth mentioning how little people understand until they experience it for themselves with someone they love, and even then it’s just different.
Losing my Dad was the first of many griefs that have come to the surface in the last few years and moving through it has been mentally tough.
So while I am tired and often feel maxed out I am grateful for that opportunity, grateful that I can do so much in order to make me feel maxed out, and grateful that I can identify it better now than ever and know when it’s time to hermit.
I feel like I wake up to a world that’s drastically changing everyday, like the world seems like a completely different place than it was last November and it often feels like it's moving too fast. You can think that all day though and it isn’t going to change anything.
Staying grounded now means something different than it used to because there’s so much more to face in this world, so much more you need to stay grounded from. I suppose groundedness and self care have become one in the same for me. A yoga session and some journaling and I used to be good, but now it looks like doing a lot of nothing, eating large volumes of nutrient dense food, staying off the phone, saying no to things I really don’t want to do, creating large spaces of time in solitude, and being outside as much as possible.
AI is at the forefront of so many conversations and I was/am anything but an early adopter, I’m still not really an adopter at all but I know that it is going to weave itself into most fabrics of our lives much sooner than we think and in a much bigger way, it already has.
When it comes to health and AI though, I am equally optimistic and terrified. It’s something I have been researching and using AI tools because I am curious of how it handles things. I am seeing a bias in terms of conventional treatment, care and advice but I also see that it can provide a wealth of information from a holistic perspective you just have to know what to ask.
I also know the more it scrapes and scans everything out there, the greater the possibility of it finding more holistic health resources.
When it comes to actually guiding your health, that is where it gets tricky, because it can act as an enabler and it’s only going off of what information you feed it. It can be a little bit more agreeable than you might need it to be and may prevent you from getting concrete guidance. You can easily talk into or out of things, that is the scary part and it ca be very suggestive at time. This could be harmful scenario.
The biggest factor is unless you tell it your entire health history and make sure to fill in all of the gaps it’s going to take your word for what’s going on and may give you wrong information or guidance.
I read a study recently about how often doctors were using AI for diagnosis thankfully it’s still a very low percentage when it comes to diagnosing specifically however it’s at a high percentage when integrated into their daily work, like record keeping and that can be a little scary because a platform that is AI has access to all of your health information.
In terms of chronic complex conditions though and perhaps better treatments I think AI has the capability of seeing beyond human sight and that makes me very optimistic, because where many human health professionals can overlook things due to the healthcare systems time constraints, their own biases and AI may be able to delve a little deeper.
Another scary point though is , the AI does not work or exist independently they are owned by humans, humans programming/training them so bias is always a possibility.
There’s no reason that there shouldn’t be ends to certain chronic health conditions or treatments that heal except that they make multitudes of money. Healed customers are not repeat customers. More screening means more detection and more detection could cause premature diagnosis or create a bigger problem that the body would eventually resolve.
The body is so intelligent and right now as I am writing this and you are reading it it’s addressing things in our body.
There is nothing that happens in the body that isn’t for a reason, even things we may regard as illness, it’s the body’s sign that it’s working to bring things back into balance.
Tumors in particular are fascinating, they aren’t simply a mass of abnormal cells. They are biologically active, interacting with surroundings and some studies have shown the body can recognize and eliminate them. Biopsies is one example of how interfering with a complex biological process can cause more harm. Cancer cells can become displaced along the need track and contribute to new growths being established. I am not saying that there isn’t a time or place for these procedures and this is not medical advice, it’s important though to have a full picture and realize that illness is a mechanism in the body.
I’ve had what I would call periods of very low functioning mental health throughout my life but have never really claimed a mental health crisis, now though I am rethinking this because until maybe the past few years I felt very strong mentally. Mental health crisis is pretty much exactly what I would label what I’ve been experiencing but at the same time it feels like I can’t even, enjoy it? No wrong word, indulge? in the label.
It doesn’t compromise my work, maybe that isn’t a good measure though.
Maybe I am handling it better than I think, that I am stronger than I think or it could be the total opposite and I am pushing through. I am not in any way ignoring my feelings but I do tend to “hermit” quite often. In case you’ve never heard of this because I think I might have made it up, hermiting is a verb, and it would be the equivalent of what a hermit might do, disappear into their cozy, safe space where there’s only room for one.
I used to see compromised mental health as a symptom of a bigger problem and it is that, but it is also a systemic issue that contributes in ways we often overlook. It can be the root or a byproduct and unraveling that takes time. I think mine might be a root and a byproduct, because there are varying degrees.
Part of this experience has been multiple types of grief, part of it has been reaching my 40’s. I never really thought a number would affect me like this. It’s weird the measure that I use against myself too, like for me 42 is old but for anyone else it’s so young. How does that make sense? Nevertheless I find myself feeling that way.
The way I came by this work was totally unplanned and I built my business completely organically with absolutely nothing so it’s been much slower over time than it could have been. Sometimes I question if this is my calling, my purpose, am I making enough of a difference, am I using my time wisely?
Or maybe those are the kinds of questions you never get a concrete answer for, which is very unfortunate for my brain that would like the validation. All in all I am so grateful for so many things and I know I need to spend more time looking ahead than looking back.
There is something so perfect about Autumn, it’s the strangest balance of negative and positive. I don’t think you really experience that kind of feeling any other time in the year. It’s one of the most drastic seasonal changes, depending on where you live I suppose, but not just because of the weather, because you are nearing the end of another year. It’s close to the end but not quite, there’s still space to discover something new, achieve more, reflect, regret in some instances, and enjoy more before the year’s end. It’s the last stretch before everything is “new” again, but don’t let time fool you, we really shouldn’t be thawing or starting fresh till spring. New Year’s being at the beginning of the year is manmade and much like a concept such as Daylight Savings Time can be a violation of our inner direction.
Autumn is preparation, cleansing, adjustment and time for fortification.
Prayers for health and wholeness in this season,
